Adventures in Fantasy Football {1}

I had my first ever fantasy football draft last night.

But I should probably start from the beginning.

I told The Boyfriend that I thought it’d be fun to be in a fantasy football league. I wasn’t digging for an invite. I was just sort of saying things in the car. (As you do.) And then the next week I get an email from him to the rest of his standing fantasy football league. Turns out, their token girl decided not to be in their league this year, so voila. I fill that void.

So now I’m the Token Female.

This amuses me.

So after much hemming and hawing on Twitter about whether or not I wanted to fully invest myself in this fantasy football business, I decided to give a shit.

Meaning, I read a bunch of Beginner Guides to Fantasy Football, considered many different draft strategies—including picking players that went to my college and picking players based on their attractiveness, watched the ESPN fantasy football draft special, and looked at depth charts.

I decided on a combination of good advice (You need running backs! They are important!), attractiveness (really, I only picked one guy based on his man pretty.), alma mater loyalty, and, perhaps most importantly, being spontaneous when I realized I was eighth pick in the first round of the draft and wouldn’t get Arian Foster. (Sad me.)

I won’t lie, y’all. I had a bit of a panic attack right before the draft started. I had to turn on Pitch Perfect to combat it.

And then it turned out there was no reason to have a panic attack because everything will be FINE. Though I’m a bit of a spaz, I feel the draft went fairly well. (The Boyfriend would probably refute this. I think I stressed him out.) I got a couple of the players I wanted going in and I think the rest of them are decent. (I think. I hope. I pray.)

Here’s what I ended up with:

QB: Aaron Rodgers*
RB: Steven Jackson
RB: Darren McFadden (Yay Razorbacks!)
WR: Danny Amendola (He’s the one I based on attractiveness level. My sister said he looks like a saucy pirate, which just made me think of Kaleb from Myra McEntire’s Hourglass series. So.)
WR: Steve Smith
TE: Tony Gonzalez
FLEX: Giovani Bernard (RB)
DEF: Houston Texans
K: Blair Walsh
Bench: Andrew Luck (QB)
Bench: Sidney Rice (WR)
Bench: Brandon Myers (TE)
Bench: Isaac Redman (RB)
Bench: Malcolm Floyd (WR)
Bench: Martellus Bennet (TE)
Bench: Baltimore Ravens Defense

(*I feel really bad about this Aaron Rodgers business. The Boyfriend really wanted him. But as I had eighth pick and Rodgers was, like, 12th pick overall or something, The Boyfriend knew he wouldn’t get him. So when my first pick came, The Boyfriend was all, “It would behoove you to grab Rodgers now.” And I argued it and finally gave in. I’m secretly pleased with this because Rodgers is hilarious. But also feel bad for The Boyfriend. )

So now that that’s done, I need a kick-ass, amazing, perfect team name that is as incredible as my team logo. (Please feel free to submit suggestions in comments!)

Which is this:

I also considered this:

Maybe I’ll just change it every week.