Rude Awakening.

I am an asshole when I’m asleep.

I steal covers and sprawl out, often diagonally across the bed, much to the chagrin of The Boyfriend.

I roll around. When I was younger I was thrasing about so violently during a sleepover that I gave a girl a black eye.

True story.

But I like to think that as I’ve gotten older I’ve become less of an asshole when I sleep.

I found out this morning that that is incorrect.

As my alarm clock (which, btw, is on my phone.) was going off, I reached over and smacked The Boyfriend so hard in the chest that he woke up.

He was all, “What the hell?”

And I was like, “I thought you were the alarm clock?”

We’re buying a bigger bed.