When Your Boyfriend Goes to Paris, You Act Like a Total Bitch

My boyfriend works in international arbitration.

We haven’t lived in the same hemisphere for over a year.

He spends all of his time in Singapore (where he lives), and then for work this week he headed to The Netherlands, and then when the hearing ended earlier than planned his boss told him to use the time that they were supposed to still be in The Netherlands to just…hang out in Europe.

I know.

So he’s in Paris—a city he cares absolutely nothing about in the way that his girlfriend who minored in French, but has never actually been to a French-speaking country, let alone EFFING PARIS, does—because his French roommate, who lives with him in Singapore, is  currently in Paris selling screws or something to a construction site.

And he’s all, “I wish you could be in Paris too” and instead of being sweet, like a normal person would be, I’m all, “Yeah, well, I’m poor, and have a job I can’t just not show up to, and also I have plans to go to Colorado this weekend.”

And then when I think about all of the very Parisian things he will see and eat and flirt with, I get jealous. (I’m weirdly okay with the flirting. That’s just something you do in Paris. I mean, look at those people. How could you NOT?)

I realize I don’t want him to text me pictures or tell me about this trip at all because I am so jealous that it makes me want to punch people. And maybe also, I’ve secretly hoped that maybe, MAYBE Paris would be the place we both get to see together for the first time, because a) he is extremely well-traveled,  b) I am not because I made stupid decisions in college/life, and c) sometimes you don’t want to be the inexperienced American in a foreign country and it would make it a little better if the person you were with was also an inexperienced American so that you wouldn’t feel bad dragging your experienced American friend to all the touristy spots.

And then, when I get all passive-aggressively angry about his going to Paris out of convenience because I’m a jealous jealous lady who is very shallow and selfish, he points out that I’m going to Colorado this weekend to visit a friend who lives there even though I don’t care anything about Colorado other than the fact that my friend is there.

He has a point. WHICH IS NOT THE SAME AT ALL.

BUT! To top it off, he’s all, “I’d rather go skiing in Colorado. You’re going there without me even though you know I love to ski.”

And I’m like,  “DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?! PARIS AND COLORADO ARE NOT THE SAME AT ALL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.”

Life is stupid.