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Life Update: I’m Not Dead! And Other Things.

November 8, 2013

Hi! Hey! How the heck are you?!

I’VE MISSED YOU, BLOG AND BLOG PEOPLE!

And now I feel that I need to explain my absence.

Lately I’ve been struggling with focus.

There are some things at work that have occurred in the past few months that are totally out of my control, but in order to do my job now, I work pretty long, very hectic hours. So by the time I get home, I’m exhausted. Which leads thinking like this: Do I go home and blog about all the amazingly awesome books I’ve read and desperately need to review because I want to share my enthusiasm for them or do I sit on the couch and clear out my DVR? Do I go home and work on a book I’m writing or do I meet friends for dinner? Wait, I should probably work on the book and reschedule with friends. Okay, book. But I feel bad about my lack of blogging. What about yoga? I should go to yoga. Do I eat a salad or cereal? Oh, I need to watch New Girl and review it for OCTV. There goes two hours. I should eat the salad, but cereal is so delicious.

I realize that a lot of you are probably thinking, “Wow, First World Problem much?” I recognize that my life is pretty good: have a job, a place to live, food to eat, friends, a really great boyfriend—but I constantly feel that I could be happier, healthier, more successful when it comes to work and it drives me crazy. I try my best to be content and positive, to be grateful for my life. But then, when I try to think of what it is that I most want to do for a career and how that career could help to make me the best, most joyful me I can be, my brain kind of malfunctions.

On the one hand, I have a job in an industry that I love. But I spend my work day wishing I were writing and I end up stealing little chunks of time during the day to get a bit of writing done. And then when I think, ‘Oh, I should probably blog,’ I feel entirely unmotivated to do it.

So I don’t.

For a while, that seemed like a good solution—if I don’t feel like blogging, then I won’t do it. I don’t get paid to blog. The world isn’t going to end if I don’t blog. And so I stopped in order to focus on other things in my life.

But then I realized that I missed the exercise of it. The time it takes to sit down and word vomit my thoughts/feelings/ideas in a post that maybe people will read or maybe they won’t. But, really, for me, blogging is therapeutic—even posts about things that aren’t my life. There have been times that I write a book review where I divulge feelings that I didn’t even necessarily realize I was having and then I’m all, ‘Okay, self, let’s have a chat.’

But lately, the idea of blogging has been exhausting. In fact, everything seems exhausting. I suppose this means that I am exhausted.

So I’m attempting to put together an action plan that is feasible for me. While blogging can’t be my priority right now (that goes to writing this book like a crazy person—there are reasons why I’m writing like a crazy person, but I’m not quite ready to share that info yet), it’s something that I enjoy and think about and want to do.

But my question for you, blogger, reader, whomever you are, is how do you balance your life? Do you have tips? A great blog that you read? A fool-proof system? Tell me all about it, in comments!

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